Moment of Reckoning in the Makeup Chair
My hair had just been blown out straight and the finishing touches were being put on my makeup.
I started to cry.
As my amazing hairdresser feverishly wiped away the tears from her freshly finished application, I just couldn’t stop.
“You’re amazing and will do amazing”, she said, reassuringly.
I knew that but these tears were about something else completely.
It was in that moment when I knew this night was a turning point for me….. I couldn’t do this any longer. I couldn’t put on the uniform of the designer dress and the mask and pretend to be something I wasn’t.
It had nothing to do, and everything to do, with the dress, the straight hair and the makeup.
All at the same time.
It was the night of the annual event where I would shake the hands of hundreds of supporters and thank them. I would also give a speech in the hopes of articulating our mission, our gratitude and important antidotes that I hoped would leave an imprint on their heart past my 7 minute chat.
But this night, in this moment, I knew I could no longer be this person.
We fixed the makeup, sprayed the hair and off I went in my Michael Kors dress.
No one knew what had just happened other than me and Dorothy. The hairdresser secret holder. Yet, the imprint on my heart and the memory were sealed forever.
When we make a decision to rise up from someone or something in our life, there often comes a defining moment when we can look back and see the rising.
For too long I had played the game, worn the mask and ignored the nagging voice in my head that was on repeat saying, ‘This isn’t you’.
It was in that moment that I finally replied back, ‘I know’.
Every once in a while when I’m in the clutches of fear in this world, on my journey, chasing after my dream- I consider going back. I tell myself it would be ‘easier’. I know what to do and how to do it.
And then I think of the woman sitting in the salon chair, crying for the woman she once was and who was yearning to come to life once again.
That dress still hangs in my closet, having never been worn again since that night…..I’m not sure why I keep it.
Maybe it’s the reminder of the costume I once wore hanging amongst the reality of my life now.
If we think back, we’ve all had the moment. The rising moment when we realized that the person we are is not the person that we’re meant to be.
This is one of a hundred rising moments for me, yet one of the most defining.
It’s what you do next that matters.
That’s where the magic lives.